A new day ...

(crossposted from www.pghlesbian.com)
Yesterday, I thought, was a tremendously sad day. Our beloved Mona who had fought cancer for 10 months and three days reached her final day. All the way to the vet, I kept hoping there was some alternate explanation, but no. We put her to sleep and I have all the usual comforting thoughts about her being "across the Rainbow Bridge" with her best friend Jack and her beloved veterinarian, John. She only had one bad day out of 10 months and three days and that wasn't painful, just her way of telling me it was time to let her go.
Today is a tremendously more sad day. There are reminders everywhere, in the most unexpected ways. The thump of her jumping off the bed. I didn't hear it today. Playing "Our Lady of the Bedcovers" (she made a cute Madonna) when I make the bed. The 300 minutes in the backyard deciding exactly which spot needed a spot-o-Mona. Her unparalled excitement, just quivering with anticipation, at the leftover canned catfood -- even if the cats were still eating the pre-leftover portion.
She fought a really good fight. She kept her weight up (even gaining a few pounds) through the whole chemotherapy. She was her usual self 99% of the time. She visited with her goof friends, Brenda and Michelle, last Friday and snagged some salmon.
Mona was a stray dog that had been hit by a car and taken to the vet clinic where John worked. Her hip was broken, but not her spirit. She came to be a foster with my family while I was in grad school and living with my parents. She "moaned and groaned" a lot because she was crated -- hence, Mona. She was a very vocal dog. I came home from class one day to find our family dogs locked in the backyard and Mona laying on my Dad as they ate some Saltines and watched the Cooking Channel. She was there to stay. And she never got over her fetish for saltines. Thanks, Dad.
Miss Mona had a brief career as an advice columnist and then became a blogger http://pghmona.blogspot.com. My dog behavior friend urged me to keep blogging about the adjustments of the other pets. So I'll try to do that. Amadeus and Alexander are confused. I let them sniff her collar and my clothes that I wore during the procedure. I know that gives them information, but they really are quite lost. Mona was definitely top dog. Debby (behavior friend) doesn't think either one will want to assume leadership so we are hoping that Simon Le Bon, the cat, is up to the challenge.
Considering he stretched out on the dog bed and wouldn't share with Deus, we might be on to something. Simon has now taken over Mona's bed in the corner of the room.
I had Miss Mona for nearly 10 years. She was the brightest, bestest dog ever. I hope everyone experiences that type of love and loyalty. I gotta go now.

R.I.P.

Miss Mona Dunhoff Kerr

1997-2008

Much beloved by her human and furry companions. She will be greatly missed.

A Month Later ...

Wow, I can't believe it has been over a month since I posted.

Mona is doing well. She finished her weekly rounds of chemo several weeks ago and has been taking oral meds since then. It is very odd regimen ... 1 pill on every Monday and 7 other pills every other Wednesday. Lymph nodes are fine thus far. She goes back for her first round of monthly chemo this Tuesday.

Behavior wise, she's acting very normal. She occasionally has some issues with vomiting which I treat with pepcid per Dr. Rogers' orders. Usually, it happens at 3 AM, of course. :-) Her appetite is a bit down, but she tears into her Kongs with complete abandon so I've been sneaking extra protein and fat in that way. Her favorite is roast beef and cream cheese.

Yesterday, I must have made the cream cheese plug a bit thicker than normal. She licked away at it for a few minutes, then began to pick up the Kong and drop it repeatedly to get the stuffing out. Only the plug was still there. The expression on her face when she realized nothing was dropping out was priceless. Still, she finished it off in an hour.

Yesterday morning I began to cry as we lay in bed. I convinced myself that the vomiting meant she was going to die very soon and got very worked up. This is probably due to our recent sad news that breast cancer is back in one of our kitties, Tabby. Tabby is a 15 year old tiger striped girl who just wants to curl up in the linen closet and have a snooze. She had a lumpectomy last year, but it appears that this bout would require such extensive surgery that we can't put her through it. Her recovery last time was long and she was distraught at being left alone at the vet over night. It hasn't impact her quality of life yet. She's still meowing, eating and asking for petting. No sign that it has impacted her breathing yet.

Still, it is only a matter of time. We'll learn this week how extensive the tumors have become so we may have a better idea of how many weeks we have left with her. I really like sweet little Tabby and it certainly resonates with my struggle to keep Mona healthy so I am very sad. Hence, the crying. I lay in bed thinking back to all of the animals that have either died or been put to sleep and it was like the collective anguish of each of those experiences just washed over me. I was distraught.

Mona came to comfort me and I pulled myself together, realizing that all I can do is appreciate the moments we have left. She's been a trooper these past few weeks -- they all have, even Tabby -- as we've had the bathroom renovated and lots of other invasions of their space. Mona is fast friends with the workmen and even handles the noise well. I'm going on vacation in two weeks and I've promised myself that I am going to take her for a ride or a walk in the park every single day. She loves to go places. Almost as much as roast beef and cream cheese.

The worst part is the waiting. I feel her neck every day, many times. I monitor her breathing. I anguish about the inevitable time when the cancer returns and begins to impact her quality of life -- will I recognize when the time has come? And how will I get through it? When I put Jack to sleep, I knew he was sick and unhappy even if I didn't know what was wrong. But I relive that last day over and over in my heart which breaks a little more each time. Sometimes I'll go months without thinking about it, but Mona and Tabby have reminded me even though the situation is different.

Sometimes I think about getting another dog and immediately the guilt washes over me. I can't replace Mona, I think. But I can fill her space with another woofer who needs a home. I don't know. Sometimes that's comforting to me.

Right now, I'm just crying so hard over something that hasn't happened. Mona is upstairs sleeping with Ledcat ... she loves when there's only one person in the bed so she can have a pillow. She'll be happy today because we'll be home for most of it. That has to be enough.

Another week passes by ...

Mona finished a round of chemo yesterday. She had no side effects, thus far. She did lose another half pound, but the vet says that isn't a concern. The plan is for a week of rest and then she starts oral treatment. In four weeks, she returns for injectable chemo and we see what happens.

Her appetite was good today. She had green beans and kibble for breakfast, a kong with roast beef and cream cheese for her midday snack and then kibble with yogurt for her supper. I gave her a forbidden processed stuffed treat this evening.

I also discovered a down side to the veggies when I went out to give the yard a very overdue scoop ... nothing says fun like a yard full of undigested lima beans and carrot shreds. Wet. Ewww. I got about 2/3 of the way through the yard when I had to just quit. I'm hoping it all freezes quickly tomorrow. Anything would be an improvement.

So, we are back to our usual routine. Lots of love, good food and more love.

A little down, a little up

Mona began vomiting this morning around 6 AM and continued into the morning. She wasn't vomiting violently and she did not have the dry heaves. I spoke with her local vet and the oncology specialist. They had me restart her anti-naseau meds with some pepcid thrown in for good measure. No food until tomorrow morning.

She thoughtfully puked onto various pieces of her bedding which was easy to clean up. ;-)

She vomited only one time further after receiving the meds - no sign of the pills in the vomit so I'm fairly sure enough time had passed for her to absorb them. Other than a few blades of grass, she hasn't consumer anything else.

The remainder of the day passed quietly. She slept on her bed. We went out for a few hours this afternoon and came home to find her snoozing on the sofa. No sign of vomit. She did manage to snag Ledcat's lunch bag and lick clean a clean dish. That was helpful. Her energy level was a bit back up to speed. We had to deceive her when it was time to give the boys their dinner -- she thought it was special Mona-belly-rub time.

Tonight, she seems fine. She did break through three baby gates so we are unsure if she consumed any cat food. As she has not vomited, we aren't fretting about it too much. Her bedding is freshly laundered and ready ... for bed.

Tomorrow, we'll start her on some boiled chicken and take it from there.

The vet told me her bloodwork is great and she's still in remission. I think this was just a blip. I hope.

A little up, a little down

Today was another round of chemo. I dropped her off around 8:40 and discovered she has lost a pound since last week. :-( She tolerated chemo well, but only ate half of her treats. I was very late picking her up due to work and she didn't get home until after 6 PM. On the ride home, she was more chipper than last week and took a few licks of her Kong.

Tonight, she's been pretty okay. More animated than usual after chemo. She ate her entire dinner, but she's had gas and been barking to be let out every 40 minutes or so. It is very funny when she farts because she surprises herself and looks at her ass quizzically. It is very cold and wet - Mona's two least favorite climate characteristics - so our thought tonight is to lay down puppy pads in the bathroom for everyone's peace of mind.

The boys are good tonight. They polished off her chemo Kong and enjoyed dinner. Both think she's nuts to keep going outside so frequently and much prefer to snooze in front of the coffee table. Xander will give her a commiserating escort to the back door, but Deus just rolls over.

We hung out tonight to keep her company. I am tired so that was a good choice. Today at work my colleagues asked about her which is really nice. I'm surprised more people don't think I'm crazy for spending all the $$ on a dog.

I wonder what George Foreman thinks?

Mona 1, George Foreman 0

Earlier in the week, I came home to find that Mona had kidnapped the George Foreman grill from the kitchen counter and tried to bury it in her dog bed. After chewing up the corner.

I am not making this up. I almost had a heart attack when I found it ... my first thought being that she had hurt herself. My second thought (once I found her safe and sound under the table) was that she had hurt the floor. The floor was safe and sound.

What I don't understand is why she chewed on the actual grill and not the little plastic dish. It was neatly set aside on the dog bed. She has never pulled something off the counter like this (except for the odd loaf of bread), certainly never an appliance.

Thank god she doesn't like coffee.