Today was a low key day in the great dog merger: 2008. I rotated the boys and Ana to each have time in the living room/downstairs, outside and in their crates. All seemed to go well. Xander was very good so I let him walk into Ana's room and sniff her through her crate. She seemed okay with that.

Then, of course, Deus wanted a sniff but being more of a bumbling type he overwhelmed her a bit. Then back to the outside they went. Xander watcher Ana through the window but she was unfazed.

At dinnertime, Ledcat sat with Ana on the steps outside of the kitchen doorway which is secured with a babygate. Ana was on the steps, free to leave, enjoying teeny bits of a bacon strip. I brought Deus and Xander into the kitchen for their dinner (enhanced with illicitly good yumminess) and was thrilled that they both dove into dinner after a cursory glance at Ana. She snuggled a bit closer to Ledcat, but stood her ground and peeked around the corner.

Once the bowls were licked clean, I sat on the floor in front of the babygate (on the kitchen side) and slowly gave them teeny pieces of a treat in return for them sitting upon request. They were much more into the food than the Chihuaha. She continued to sit there and eat her own treats. Xander sniffed at her through the babygate, but I did not let him push it to the point that he would scare her or work himself up. After the treats were gone, I took the boys back outside in a very low key manner. Ana lept off the steps and went over to sit on the sofa.

I'm not a trainer, but it does seem like our maintaining a low key vibe and not "over"reacting to their inquisitiveness or hesitancy makes a difference. It certainly gives both of us a sense of control and that has to ooze into the canine vibes.

Just to be on the safe side, we have our trainer from Pawsitive Reactions coming over for a few sessions to help us along the path. We'd rather invest a few dollars on the front end to do things right rather than wait until we have an issue.

Right now, Ana seems to be fine. She's enjoying a Kong up in her room right now. She seems to be the most afraid of Natasha the Calico Cat and will walk big circles to avoid her. Natasha is not imposing so that's very amusing. Deus and Xander are asleep on their dog beds in the living room. Ledcat is going upstairs to hang with Ana and I'll stay down here with the boys.

Pet integration is challenging. It requires a lot of patience, extra rooms and creativity. But we love our pets and really want to make this work. We are resolved, however, that if Ana's welfare is not at its optimum here, then back to the rescue she will go.

I continue to be amazed at how not timid she is. She eagerly greets both of us, comes when we call her and walks right through the cats (except Natasha). She doesn't seem afraid of the dogs, just a bit indifferent. She was fine when our friend Julie came over. So there's lots of room for optimism.

I listened to the song that makes me think of Mona .. Pink's "Who Knew"... and it was the first time it didn't make me cry. Which made me cry. I'm tearing up thinking about it. Ana isn't Mona, but she does fill a teensy bit of the void.

And, oh the kisses!

A Month Later ...

Wow, I can't believe it has been over a month since I posted.

Mona is doing well. She finished her weekly rounds of chemo several weeks ago and has been taking oral meds since then. It is very odd regimen ... 1 pill on every Monday and 7 other pills every other Wednesday. Lymph nodes are fine thus far. She goes back for her first round of monthly chemo this Tuesday.

Behavior wise, she's acting very normal. She occasionally has some issues with vomiting which I treat with pepcid per Dr. Rogers' orders. Usually, it happens at 3 AM, of course. :-) Her appetite is a bit down, but she tears into her Kongs with complete abandon so I've been sneaking extra protein and fat in that way. Her favorite is roast beef and cream cheese.

Yesterday, I must have made the cream cheese plug a bit thicker than normal. She licked away at it for a few minutes, then began to pick up the Kong and drop it repeatedly to get the stuffing out. Only the plug was still there. The expression on her face when she realized nothing was dropping out was priceless. Still, she finished it off in an hour.

Yesterday morning I began to cry as we lay in bed. I convinced myself that the vomiting meant she was going to die very soon and got very worked up. This is probably due to our recent sad news that breast cancer is back in one of our kitties, Tabby. Tabby is a 15 year old tiger striped girl who just wants to curl up in the linen closet and have a snooze. She had a lumpectomy last year, but it appears that this bout would require such extensive surgery that we can't put her through it. Her recovery last time was long and she was distraught at being left alone at the vet over night. It hasn't impact her quality of life yet. She's still meowing, eating and asking for petting. No sign that it has impacted her breathing yet.

Still, it is only a matter of time. We'll learn this week how extensive the tumors have become so we may have a better idea of how many weeks we have left with her. I really like sweet little Tabby and it certainly resonates with my struggle to keep Mona healthy so I am very sad. Hence, the crying. I lay in bed thinking back to all of the animals that have either died or been put to sleep and it was like the collective anguish of each of those experiences just washed over me. I was distraught.

Mona came to comfort me and I pulled myself together, realizing that all I can do is appreciate the moments we have left. She's been a trooper these past few weeks -- they all have, even Tabby -- as we've had the bathroom renovated and lots of other invasions of their space. Mona is fast friends with the workmen and even handles the noise well. I'm going on vacation in two weeks and I've promised myself that I am going to take her for a ride or a walk in the park every single day. She loves to go places. Almost as much as roast beef and cream cheese.

The worst part is the waiting. I feel her neck every day, many times. I monitor her breathing. I anguish about the inevitable time when the cancer returns and begins to impact her quality of life -- will I recognize when the time has come? And how will I get through it? When I put Jack to sleep, I knew he was sick and unhappy even if I didn't know what was wrong. But I relive that last day over and over in my heart which breaks a little more each time. Sometimes I'll go months without thinking about it, but Mona and Tabby have reminded me even though the situation is different.

Sometimes I think about getting another dog and immediately the guilt washes over me. I can't replace Mona, I think. But I can fill her space with another woofer who needs a home. I don't know. Sometimes that's comforting to me.

Right now, I'm just crying so hard over something that hasn't happened. Mona is upstairs sleeping with Ledcat ... she loves when there's only one person in the bed so she can have a pillow. She'll be happy today because we'll be home for most of it. That has to be enough.

Saturday. In the House. I wish it was the 4th of July.

Mona didn't necessarily have a bad reaction to the 2nd chemo treatment, but she is a bit more subdued today than usual. She ate less than 1/2 of her breakfast, but went back to pick at it later. She polished off her chicken/Evo treat/cream cheese Kong, but turned her nose up at extra cream cheese. Mostly, she laid on the sofa wrapped up in "her" fleece throw and snoozed.

She was very perky when our new handyman arrived to repair the fence. She was equally responsive when we returned from a quick trip to the library and grocery store. Hint: avoid the Brighton Heights Giant Eagle at all costs ... it was as if someone smashed yinzerfest into geezerfest with the requisite amount of poor driving (both carts and cars). Shudder.

She'll be thrilled that we are staying home to watch the game and enjoy some homecooking tonight. Ledcat cracked open the chicken cookbook which bodes well for dogs on a heavy meat diet. And the kitties that love them. Sort of.

The boys are having a good day. They helped me clean the yard. Xander and I played fetch. Deus laid on the deck and supervised. Xander rejected his apple slices, but Deus ate them up. Both were very intrigued when Ken the handyman made an appearance and were prompt to inspect his work upon completion. Ken hurled himself against the fence a few times to prove to me that it would withstand the impact of a 120 lb dog at a full run. I believe him. Ouch.

Boris went to the vet. He is in good health and actually gained weight.

For a rainy playoff Saturday, that's the report. I'm going to go down, crack open the latest Mystery of Ancient Ireland and invite various pets to drape themselves about me.