Continuing

I worked really hard today .. I almost forgot lunch so-hard ... trying not to think that tomorrow is a one week anniversary. I guess I just blew that, huh?

Coming home is so lonely even though we have a host of other pets. I open the door, pick up the mail, check the voice mail and just go through those motions. A big part is missing. But what continues to kill me the most is Xander racing through the house looking for her. I just can't make him understand. His behavior has changed ... he sleeps up against his brother when we watch television, even though the spot underneath my feet is fully available. He's very clingy to Deus.

Another hard part is flashing back to the final moments. She struggled and it hurts me that maybe she wanted to live and I made that choice for her. Then leaving her body behind ... oh my god, that was horrid. I would have stayed all night if Ledcat allowed me.

I hope I did the right thing.